keeping score

"Mrs. Selcho, this is Kim, the school nurse" I've heard the phrase about 27 times this school year, as Ellie has taken to the school nurse and they have become fast friends. Usually the call is related to something stuck in her expander, a twisted ankle, a loose tooth, or some other high drama for a 2nd grader.

But this time was different, this time there was alarm in her voice and I could feel my heart beating so hard I was sure it could be seen through my shirt. As I tried to maintain my composure, there were tears of the unknown welling up in my eyes. This time, I really did need to be there.

So far the past few weeks, we have had:

9 sick school days (Kennedy)
1 missed girl scout camp (Kennedy)
1 mono test, strep test, CBC count (Kennedy)
8 doses Benadryl (Wally)
10 doses Tylenol (Wally & Stevie)
2 102 degree fevers (Wally)
3 boxes of kleenex (Wally)
1 "why doesn't Jesus make my mouth {throat} better?" (Stevie)
1 prophylactic benadryl dose (Stevie - who had foraged into forbidden pantry food)
8 projectile burps (Stevie and Kennedy)

and so far, Ellie has been immune. But, Ellie, who is like her mother and never wants to be outdone, has built up her own little tally the past two days:

2 Heimlich Maneuvers
2 chest x-rays
1 urgent-care visit
1 ambulance ride
1 scope
infinite mother panic attacks

It all began at breakfast Wednesday when Ellie choked. She had been gagging a bit, but at one point she completely choked and in spite of my own best panic instincts, I was able to do the Heimlich Maneuver and save her. She was okay and went to school and I vowed never to let her eat shredded wheat again. But she gagged all day long.

So, last night Randy took her to urgent care where they declared her "fine". And today, she went to school as usual.

Then came the call. I was 40 minutes away from the school at that point and unsure of what I was going to do with choking Ellie. The nurse decided to call the ambulance - good choice!!

It felt like a movie, like I was watching someone else try to take care of family business to keep her mind off the fact that her baby was in an ambulance and she wasn't there. Fighting complete hysteria with focus: calling the neighbor to pick Kennedy from the bus, arranging for the girl scouts who were supposed to come that afternoon, checking voice mail, and phoning Holly about Wally's lack of shoes (she was gracious enough to keep the boys). Anything to keep her brain from recognizing the cold stark reality that her child is mortal.

At the end of the day, it really was me, and Ellie is fine. She is having spasms from the swelling caused by the lodged shredded wheat which make her (and everyone around her) believe she is choking, but they will go away. And she is thrilled because the ENT always has the best menu advice for mom - mashed potatos, pudding, ice cream, etc. Though she didn't win in length of illness, she definitely won in drama.

But for those of you keeping score at home, the real winner is life. How much we take it for granted, that our children will be bouncing and laughing and healthy and here. That they'll get off the bus that afternoon with nothing more than some ketchup stains from lunch and a well-rehearsed "fine" when asked how school was. That they'll be rolling their eyes as we lecture about leaving clothes all over the floor and not making their bed. That our goodbye in the morning is temporary.

Statistically speaking we're right, and it's too much pressure to be always mindful of the alternative, not to mention a waste. On days like today, I declare life the winner and just try to play the game well.